Parthemores in Poland

...or would that be "inaction?"

This tale begins back in November, after I finally got my contract from the university.  As part of my in-processing, I had to fill out several documents, one of which stated that since I pay foreign taxes (to the US), I didn’t have to pay Polish taxes.  It required a signature, a copy of my passport, and a certificate. 

I figured that my Social Security card would be enough, but it wasn’t.  “It must be a certificate,” the office lady told me.

Since I have never heard of any sort of certificate of paying taxes (maybe it’s like a Certificate of Participation?), I went to the IRS website to try to figure it out.  After finding nothing there, I e-mailed them.  They quickly replied with the answer of what I needed, which happened to cost $35.

I sent in the application in the first week of December.  And I waited. 

I received a letter stating that they received my application.  And I waited.

Around the middle of March, I received another letter saying I need to “provide more information.”  Since it didn’t specifically say what they wanted, I called them. 

(I should note that the IRS is saving taxpayers’ money by using the slowest method possible for international postage.  Or maybe they are routing them through Iran.  Seriously, it takes like three weeks for their letters to get here.)

After all this time, I was excited when I saw a thick envelope from the IRS in the mailbox.  (Yes, I realize I’m probably the only person to ever say that.)  Inside was my coveted “certificate.”  This is it:

"I certify that, to the best of our knowledge, the above-named taxpayer is a resident of the United States of America for purposes of U.S. taxation."

You have got to be kidding me.  “To the best of our knowledge”?!?  This took 5 months?

I did pay Polish taxes for two months of my salary, since I didn’t produce my “certificate” before the taxes were due.  Honestly, their income tax system is way easier than ours.  It took about 15 minutes, and I spent most of that looking up words. 

The best part – the form that everyone files is called the PIT.  The plural is PITy.  So I did my Polish taxes on a website called “e-pity.”  Hilariously ironic.

So I’m hoping that this odyssey is finally over, but I doubt it.